How to Eat & Drink Without Getting it in Your Beard
Having a beard isn’t as easy as some may believe. There is a lot that goes into making a beard look great, and there are a number of forces at work that try to get in the way of bearded perfection. These forces include, the many hands (both men and women) that try and grab your beard, the wind trying to mess up your mane, the fear of your beard being caught in a paper shredder, elevator doors or being burnt off over a romantic candle lit dinner.
But the biggest threat to the look of a beard is eating and drinking and having those food a liquids ruin your perfect work. Having a glorious beard is not a right it is a privilege so before you go chopping it off so you can eat more comfortably here are some steps you could use to stop food and drinking getting into you mo or beard.
Takeaway coffee cup
If you are like me then a morning cuppa (or two) is essential for starting the day on the right foot. However drinking a coffee especially a latte or cappuccino is difficult to do using a normal cup or mug, without foam and coffee getting caught in your mo and trickling down into your beard. A great tip to avoid this is to order your coffee in a takeaway cup with a sippy spout. The spout will ensure that the coffee goes directly into your mouth with no spillage.
A straw is your best friend. Weather you're drinking a soft drink, cocktail, juice or plain old water the straw is your sure-fire guarantee that whatever liquid you are consuming goes nowhere near you beard or mo. Keep your hair dry and use a straw!
Water bottles with a squirt nozzle rather than an open mouth allow you to stay hydrated without the running the risk of drenching your beard. “Water is the essence of wetness” so be sure you fill your bottle and toast to a dry beard.
This is a little device that goes onto your glass and stops your mo from dunking into your delicious beverage. The device is genius yet simple. It allows you to quench your thirst while at the same time ensuring your mo and beard are bone dry. I imagine the first prototype of the whiskey dam was made using a bar coaster covering a portion of a pint. I wish i had thought of this brilliant product.
If you feel conscious about using a whiskey dam in public, you enjoy a beer at the pub but you don’t want to drink it with a straw then your next choice is easy one, buy a bottled beer. That way you can still enjoy your favorite brew making sure that the delicious ale is in your stomach and not all over your mo and beard.
Sometimes you can't avoid getting a good mouthful of moustache. For me it's usually eating awkward foods like meat pies or spaghetti. One way around this is to style the hair above your lips so they are lifted off to the side and away from your mouth. Naturally, with the consistency of pubes, moustaches can be stubborn things so to firmly hold them out of the way you need a moustache wax with vigorous hold.
A sambo or burger is one of the most perfect mediums to get food into your system. With Carbos, meat, dairy and “sauce” groups all in the one mouthful, sandwiches and burgers are always a good call. There is only one problem however, every time you bite into a sambo or burger with sauce you end up with moustache in your mouth, food and sandwich toppings are in your mo and beard. In one bite you go from bearded legend to a slob. Try cutting your sandwiches into triangles, this way you can angle corners more easily into your mouth.
Use a fork
While it may seem sacrilegious to eat some foods with a knife and fork there is no better way of portioning your bites and navigating food past your mo than by using cutlery.
Cup or cone
Always choose a cup of ice-cream over the cone, to avoid the ice-cream covering your entire beard. Hard option I know, but sometimes you need to sacrifice the cone for the love of your beard.
Some burger restaurants don’t have cutlery so you are forced to eat with your hands. There is a way that you can use your fingers to part your moustache and ensure your food goes straight in. I call this the "Moses Technique". The Moses Technique is where your two index fingers are used to part and lift up your moustache and your other fingers guide the food into your mouth. Your fingers act as a physical buffer between the food and your mo hairs. It looks weird I know but it will mean your mo and beard don't stink like the food you just ate for the rest of the evening.
I hope this guide helps you to guide your food and drink safely into your mouth without your beard or moustache getting all wet and gross. If there are any techniques we've missed, please feel free to share them with us.
Other articles that might interest you:
1. Things Only People with Beards Will Understand
2. 20 Unique Instagram Accounts you Must Follow
3. Answers to Annoying Beard Questions
4. Difference Between Beard Oil & Beard Balm
5. Facial Hair Styles, How to Achieve & Maintain Them
Author: Kareem Ghaly
Editor: Ben De Campo
- Tags: beard